My Right Shoe Laces

Here’s a mystery maybe someone can help me with: for some strange reason, the the shoe laces on my right-foot shoe almost always come untied. No matter how well I may tie my shoes, eventually, inexplicably, the laces on the right-foot’s shoe come completely undone.

Aside from the safety hazards introduced by two pieces of a tiny rope haphazardly flopping around my feet, threatening to cause me to fall, thereby endangering both myself and anyone unlucky enough to be in my path (who would almost surely perish from the great amount of weight being thrust upon them, making me the bringer of both death and destruction upon their house), my biggest problem with this is the slob factor.

Here’s a mental exercise:

  • Picture a typical sloppy male college student. He probably has on jeans, 2 t-shirts (a short sleeve shirt atop a long sleeve shirt), messy hair, a backpack over only one shoulder and — LOOK, THERE IT IS! HIS RIGHT FOOT! HIS SHOE IS UNTIED! Automatically you expect this guy to be a total slob. Bad hygiene, messy room, and no organization skills. He probably plays Dungeons and Dragons and spends all day looking at online porn. No girlfriend, no real confidence: this guy will probably spend time in jail for rape and theft. He’s probably an art major.
  • Now, think of the same guy, but make sure his shoe laces are tied. All of a sudden his room is clean. He has lots of friends and has fairly good hygiene. He’s also organized and somewhat popular with the ladies. He even goes to clubs where people wear more than just black. Sure, he’s going through his basic college phase, but in a few years he’ll be a business executive, or a scientist, or a famous actor. He probably plays some WoW, but spends most of his time studying for his liberal arts and business degrees.

Now take this to the business world:

  • A guy in a suit and tie, dressed for success. His hair is combed, he smiles and is obviously humble. But wait, what’s this? There, on his right foot — HIS SHOE LACES ARE UNTIED! You suddenly notice that his hair’s not all that neat, that it’s actually somewhat sloppy, like if he needs a haircut. He smiles, but has broccoli on his teeth. Is that a five o’clock shadow I see? While his suit is nice, the Family Guy clip-on tie doesn’t do much for his image, although it’s more than enough for his cubicle, from which he’ll never escape.
  • Compare that guy who has his shoe laces tied. He probably has his own corner office. He smiles galiantly and his tie — well, now, that silken beauty was a gift given to him by the company president, who thought it would be a hoot to give his new VP a Family Guy tie to wear to work, along with that nice 25% raise. He has a full head of hair, perfectly trimmed and never does he show up with anything less than a perfectly smooth face. Good thing his shoes never untie themselves. (Upon closer inspection, you realize his shoes… are slip-ons! Good thing that first guy hasn’t yet discovered these.)

See why this seemingly insignificant issue annoys me so? Anyone else ever have that problem, that one shoe’s laces seem always to come undone, or is the Universe trying to tell me something?

One thought on “My Right Shoe Laces

  1. Ive masterd the art of tying each pair of shoe once…and then being able to slip them on and off.

    Never comes untied on its own.

    have you tried replacing teh laces on just that shoe? You may want to because it actually sounds like an emergency now.

    you know what the saddest thing is about the student with the untied shoe……he’s an art major.

    One thing i did learn is that apparently their are fancy silk ties of family guy available. I want one. I’d never wear it…but id like to know its there.

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