It Burst Into Flames And Killed My Daughter: A PS3 Review

Edit: Since the time when I originally put this up, the review has been taken down from Amazon, so here for your enjoyment is the whole thing, an atrociously hillarious review from the most irresponsible father in all of history.:

It burst into flames and killed my daughter, November 19, 2006 Fun = 1 star out of 5. Overall = 1 star out of 5.

How could Sony betray me like this?!? I waited in line for three months–yes, I started the very first line for the PS3 way before anyone else. I endured the elements, the snide comments, and unemployment (I was fired from my job after the first week) because I wanted to be the very first person to play what I imagined would be the salvation to all my dearest dreams. Rumor had it that playing a videogame on the PS3 would be like injecting heroin directly into your eyeball. I believed the hype and worshipped Sony as my god.

Finally, with nearly every credit card maxed out and two debt consolidation plans under my belt, the great day arrived and I fought my way into the store to get my hands on this wonder console. Leaving the store I did a little victory dance and then drove up and down the parking lot taunting those who did not get a PS3. Then it was off to home to play this little beauty.

I hooked everything up while my wife and children watched and applauded at my direction. It was time to play the first game! After two hours I noticed that waves of heat were pouring off the console, so I told my daughter to hold it up in the air in front of a fan while I continued playing, waiting for the opiate-like ecstasy that was soon to overwhelm me after I shot to death another video game enemy. Things went fine for awhile; an hour later the box began whistling and my daughter complained that it was getting too hot to hold. I figured this was just what they called “burning in” and continued playing.

Then, at the four hour mark, my daughter began complaining of blisters and within fifteen minutes the entire console burst into flames, the plastic casing scorching and bubbling as I rushed to complete the level. But I was too late, and my precious daughter burned to death. Wracked with sadness at not being able to save my game, I immediately called my lawyer to review my options for a massive lawsuit.

I am sure we all expected a few “bugs” and “glitches” and “inconveniences”, but that does not excuse Sony for selling what appears to be a blazing DEATH TRAP.

Caveat emptor!

UPDATE: Those who doubt me should know that I have already granted several interviews to bloggers about this story. My surviving wife and children certainly think this is all too real. Also, I would like to change my overall rating to two stars since the gameplay was fairly good until it burst into flames.

Here are some of his other reviews. You should also check out his wedding registry. If all else fails, check out his blog, neither of which include this particular review.

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