Things Cops Know (And Wish You Would Know)

The following list comes from an old friend of mine, Malachi. In high school, he would be part of the group I would hang out with when I wanted to have some clean fun (which was a good part of my day back then). The group — at least at lunch time — included a few guys, including myself, him, Wesley, Gio, Bryann, and Rick. Malachi, Wes, Gio, and Bryan would always talk about starting their own ministries, even going so far as planning out which cities they would go to. (Sorry guys, God’s in charge of that one. But it’s good to dream.)

Anyway, as it turns out, Malachi didn’t become the head of a congregation, but rather a law enforcement officer, a sheepdog among sheep, if you will. I just read a post on his MySpace profile which I find could be very useful for those of us who aren’t in law enforcement, giving us things to think about before we get all huffy and puffy about the jerk that just pulled us over for doing 60mph in a 45mph zone. Here are a few of the items:

  • When you see an officer walk into the room, a polite greeting of “Hello, how are you?” is much more appropriate than, “Uh-Oh Jim, it looks like they’re here for you!” or putting your arms up and exclaiming, “I didn’t do it!” It will surely save you from looking like an unoriginal horse’s arse.
  • Some cops are just jerks, but take heart in the fact that other cops don’t like them either.
  • Cops know you pay taxes and that your taxes pay cops’ salaries. Cops also pay taxes, which also pay cops’ salaries so, hey, this traffic stop is on me. Now sign here; press hard.

    (And a Variation On The Above:
    Irate Offender: My tax money pays your salary, so you work for me!
    LEO: I pay taxes, too, so I figure I’m self-employed.)

  • When you’re driving in the fast lane and you see a cop behind you don’t, go 5 mph’s under the speed limit. We are not impressed by how safe of a driver you can be, we’re trying to go help someone (or catch that guy in the SUV that just cut you off). Safely move over and let us pass by you, please.
  • When you see an emergency vehicle behind you with its lights and sirens on: pull to the RIGHT, and Stop. We are usually required to pass cars on the left.
  • If you rob a gas station you’re only going to get $20, but I get to see a K-9 dog use your arm as a chew toy. For all I care you can keep the $20.

You can see many, many more at Malachi’s post.

Share your thoughts