Matt Murchison: “My Memoir”

Going on MySpace has its advantages, the greatest of which is networking with old friends. A few days ago I met up again with Matt, a guy I’ve known since 10th grade, but who I lost contact with after college. Since we last spoke, Matt has become a writer, published a book, and has recently started working on his deeply touching nov– err, memoirs.

Here’s a clip of the new book:

One day in kindergarten, another kid told me I was a “stinky-head”. I beat him unconscious with a Tickle-Me Elmo doll. That was my first arrest. They sent the swat team to my school, and it took six grown men to bring me down … At the age of seventeen I was released from prison. I immediately, for reasons I don’t understand, went to the nearest police station and punched the first cop I saw. Within the space of two hours, I’d beaten up every officer in the place and they’d called in the National Guard. It took over a hundred soldiers to bring me down this time. Since we were already at the police station, they immediately gave me a breathalyzer test. I blew a .98, which meant that my heart was pumping almost pure alcohol.

Yes, it’s supposed to be funny. (It had me laughing pretty loudly, something Matt’s always been good at making people do.) You can read the complete[ly hillarious] story at Matt’s MySpace blog. Just don’t do it anywhere you’re supposed to stay quiet at.

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