Note: No, this was not edited for content. I’ll do that later. For now, just read it and think.
You know, it just hit me today: Republicans are strategic geniuses. Sure, I know they’ve wiped the floor with democrats over the past few election cycles by taking advantage of the Democrats’ reactionary tendencies, and that alone deserves a Machiavellian golf clap. Still, what they’re doing now to guarantee themselves better results in the poll is absolute genius. Check this out:
For the past few years, the Republicans have been acting like a block in all aspects of their dealings.
Now, with all this going on, the Democrats started crying out louder and louder. “That’s wrong!”, “That’s illegal!”, “Censure! Investigate!” Still every time they did that, the Republicans would act in such a way so as to make it impossible for Democrats to do anything they wanted to. Example:
Republicans; “So, you want to pull out of Iraq as soon as feasible, Mr. Murtha? Fine, we’ll have a vote to see whether we should pull out immediately.”
Democrats: “Crap: If we vote for this and lose we’ll look weak on terror. If we vote against this it’s like we’re voting for the war. Doesn’t it suck when your opponents control all the options?”
Republicans: “Oh look! Support for the war passed with over 400 votes. We MUST be doing SOMETHING right!”
Finally, in 2005 and 2006, the 60% of America which considers itself moderate started to listen. Public opinions started moving in their favor. They saw the deaths mounting in Iraq and started asking “Why are we there again?” after it was reported — over and over and over and over — that everything the administration had used as reasons for war were lies. (For example, George Wilson and Valerie Plame.) They saw their civil rights get slowly eroded, to the point where the National Security Agency is now spying on Americans**. And they — in their always fickle manner — saw the oil companies getting billions in tax breaks while grabbing record profits. Oh, and there were hookers in the Watergate.
(By the way, has anyone noticed since the Congressional investigations started, suddenly price has magically dropped $.10 or more per gallon at the pump almost overnight? Amazing. It couldn’t be that the companies are trying to deceive anybody, could it?)
What do the Republicans do? Simple: sacrifice the President for the sins of the party, since he’s the focus of most attention anyway. It started with the Dubai ports deal. Democrats started beating the drum against the deal and, sighting public opinion, Republicans joined them. Now, congressional Republicans — especially those eyeing 2008 — don’t seem as “wacky” as GW.
The next step was the NSA wiretapping hearings. The GOP was well underway to finding the illegalities of the President’s actions when suddenly a memo from Karl Rove pops up basically saying, “Hey guys: if you want our support in 2008 you’ll stop with this whole investigation.” Suddenly — quite literally the next day! — Republicans voted, as a block, that no, the President did nothing wrong.
Now, during this time more and more stuff starts coming out against the President and his men. (By the way, where’s Dick “The Shotgun” Cheney? What about Condi, though it seems more likely that she’s going the Powell route.) Administration officials start to “quit” and a sudden militarization of the branches of government start to happen. (In fact, only CIA is not currently run by an active military official, and that too is about to change.) The focus starts narrowing more and more on two people: Donnie Rumsfeld and GW.
Conspiracy theory: It wouldn’t surprise me if GW — a Richard Nixon-style Republican, one who cared more for the party than for the values it stood for — got orders from the party to go all Pol Pot. Increase spending, cut social programs and militarize, militarize, militarize! You’ll see why in a second.
Suddenly, more information starts coming out on secret government programs, leaked by “some unknown source.” This is rebutted by the administration by firing political enemies within the NSA, CIA, and FBI. In addition, the investigators looking into whether these programs are illegal are denied access to the files they need to see because “they don’t have enough security clearance.” In fact, no one except those who are carrying out the programs do. Finally, remember that Bush has already enacted over 750 laws with the clause “I don’t have to follow this if I don’t want to,” spitting in the face of the Magna Carta and 1000 years of power limits on the “king”. Convenient, isn’t it?
In light of all this, Republicans start battling the President to, you know, prove they’re not GW cronies. As the chorus begins to mount, and as the poll numbers drop even lower for the Administration and anyone associated with it — all but guaranteeing that the Democrats take Congress in 2006 — the Republicans decide it’s time: They start investigations and impeachments proceedings. GW, being the good Republican soldier he is, is either impeached or, more likely, resigns, Nixon-style, leaving Mr. Cheney in power, unless he resigns too. In fact, it’s not much of a stretch to see everybody down to Condi Rice resign — including Dictator-in-the-making Don Rumsfeld — leaving her to be the first female and African American President in our history. With that, the Republicans could ride a wave of optimism into 2006 with the slogan “We’ve Made the White House a Place of Honor Again! And weâ€™re the party of the Minority!â€
And so they root out the culture of incompetence fostered by GW, Rumsfeld and their cronies. If the Republicans retain control of the government after 2006 it’ll be a move of shier political genius, something Karl Rove could be very proud of.
Now, it would be VERY easy for me to go all “Tom Clancy” here with conspiracy theories (after Cheney’s in power another terrorist attack destroys a major American city and elections are postponed indefinitely, for example), but frankly this is all too surreal for me as it is. The scariest part is that although the conclusions I’ve made are my own (President Condi?), the facts that I outline — such as investigators not being granted security clearance to their evidence, and the militarization of civilian agencies — are frighteningly real, even though I’m too lazy to point to sources right now. (I may do so later.)
**NOTE: Yes, I understand they’re not listening to every single call. I’m guessing they’re using the “6-Degrtees of separation” way of spotting networks. Think about it: Omar in Afghanistan is a member of Al Qaeda. He has a phone number belonging to Razari, in Chicago. Shamiq in Indonesia is also a member of Al Qaeda. He has a phone number for Ali, in Houston. Using this information, the NSA starts looking at all the phone numbers that Razari calls, as well as all the numbers Ali calls. They then expand the search to see what numbers are called by all those people Ali and Razari. That net then continues until we find that Ali is calling Mohammed, who is calling Tariq, who is calling Sheehab, who is calling Razari. Now, a whole terror network was possibily uncovered, all while using a simple principle known as 6-degrees of separation. Now, frankly, I don’t mind them doing what they’re doing so much for this particular purpose.
What worries me is that all of this is being done without oversight and without checks or balances. What’s to say this same this won’t be used against political opponents? Bob is Democrat running for congress. Samantha is also a Democrat running for Congress. Between the two of them, they often call Andy, Cindy, George, Jose, and Angela, who serve as advisors for them. Suddenly, strange things just happen start happening to Andy’s kids, which pulls him out of work. Same with Cindy. George just happens to get in a car crash and is in the hospital. Now we’re down to Jose and Angela. Angela starts getting anonymous threat, and Jose — well, can you blame him for being spooked? Without their team, Bob and Samantha are both dead in the water. Why again was all this being done to Bob and Samantha? Simple: Bob and Sam were both against the PATRIOT Act and were looking to reverse some of the clauses which became permanent. Sighting a “possible” threat to national security, Republican operatives decided to get a hold of their information to, you know, make sure the country stays safe. Without oversight, who’s to say this is wrong? It is, after all, for the good of the country.
Note that this last paragraph was all conspiracy theory stuff which may or may not already be happening.