If I Ever Again Decide to Use Blogger’s “Next Blog” Feature, Please Just Kill me. At Least Poke My Eyes Out.

Every once in a while I decide to surf the ‘net to find interesting blogs to read. I know that everyone’s always complaining about “oh, blogs are written by idiots” and “blogs have nothing of value to offer,” but I happen to like them. It may just be that I’ve only ever really read good blogs, like Evangelical Outpost, Defective Yeti or The Quantum Skyline (all of which are written by extremely articulate and intelligent writers), but there it is.

Anyway, today I was checking out The Best Bucs Blog, run by “Ski” (I don’t know his real name). This blog is, like (too) many others, hosted on Blogger, a free blog hosting service which allows anyone to set up a free blog within minutes and has a dirt-easy-to-use interface. Like all other blogs hosted on Blogger, Best Bucs Blog has a menu bar along the top of the page which allows you to search the site you’re viewing, as well as every other blog in Blogger’s system. (Last I saw, that was something along the lines of 14,000,000 blogs. Ok, maybe not that many, but there’s a ton of them, half of them spam blogs, or splogs.) In addition, there’s a button there (the “Next Blog” button) which allows you to skip to a random Blogger-based blog.

Since I was a bit bored, I decided to click on that button to see what came up. Might as well channel surf, right?

I can’t even begin to describe the kind of crap I found. And I don’t mean the blogs with people posting their own nekkid pictures, although that wasn’t something I wanted to look at either. (In fact, I’m still having Vietnam-style flashbacks due to some of those. “Do not anger Jabba the Slut!”) I’m talking about the crap most of these people call “writing.” Geez, oh man, talk about bad! It was as if I suddenly stepped into a universe of bad spellers, where everyone’s brain had already turned into television mush, and everyone spoke in passive tones all the time about everythingnothing at all. It was… wow… horrible.

Just to show you what kind of horrors I was exposed to, here’s a sample I’ll call “The best of the worst”:

From http://domesticpsychology.blogspot.com

I want coordinating Christmas stockings for our family. This weekend I am going to find 7 different fabrics and next week I will cut them out while Amy is at school. I just can’t decide if I should machine stitch them on the inside or serge them on the outside with a contrasting thread color.

Yes, this was the entire post. And this was the best post on that page. It all went downhill from there. By the looks of it, the suckyness went straight to the very depths of literature Hell. (To paraphrase Sartre, “Hell is… other Bloggers!”)

Now, I’m not saying I didn’t run into anything good. In fact, I ran into a number of rather good ones like http://laurelfainmills.blogspot.com.

Continuing my evaluation of current talk show hosts, I feel that I must address the issue of one Mr. Maury Povich. I’ve been watching Maury for awhile now, and, other than wondering about the downhill slide of his career, I must say that it is the eternal hope of Maury and some of his more frequent guests that amazes me time and time again.

I’ll say this, if I had brought 3, 7, 10, or even 16 men on to genetically test them to find the father of my baby, I’d be willing to give up. I would want to toss in the towel and go home, probably change my name and look into facial reconstruction. But, not Jeanine. After giving a paternity test to her husband, his cousin, and 6 other guys, she’s back for more…

While I can’t say much for the subject matter (it looks like it was written by someone who watches waaaayyy too much television), the writing style isn’t half bad, and from what I saw, it was pretty funny. Not one I’d read, but this one didn’t make me wish for blindness or death. Bravo, whosoever you are!

Ok, so here’s the deal: I’m not saying all Blogger blogs are bad. In fact, a large number of them are really good, at least if you’re interested in the topic. But if you want a sampling of some of the worst writing on the Web, or if you’re looking for a cheap laugh, check out the Blogger “Next Blog” feature. You’re sure to stumble upon something good.

4 thoughts on “If I Ever Again Decide to Use Blogger’s “Next Blog” Feature, Please Just Kill me. At Least Poke My Eyes Out.

  1. To quote Brick Tamland from “Anchorman”, LOUD NOISES!!!

    What were we talking about, oh yeah, crappy blogs. That’s what you get when the only requirements to start a blog are general computer skills and minimal knowledge of the English language.

    Unless of course you’re intrested in starting some kind of Blog Gestapo to enforce who can start a blog and who can’t. (‘Cause I’m in if we get to wear funny hats)

  2. I’m in with the Blogstapo, but that means the recreational value of the blogosphere as a breeding ground for uselessness (sp?) might be hampered. However, the hats might just make up for that, as will the public castigations. And just for a public show, I’d start with Xiaxue. She’s not a flagrant violator of the English language, but her page makes my eyes bleed.

  3. Xiaxue?!? Oh Lord.

    Good luck ripping her on her site…did you see the awards she’s won?

    Anyway, thanks for the credit on being articulate – sometimes I wonder if I am just rambling nonsensically…

  4. On Xiaxue: Again, not the content that I have a problem with, although it’s a bit too self-centered for my tastes. (Not saying that’s a bad thing, at least not when it comes to blogs. Just an observation.) Again, though: Colors. Eyes bleeding. Get it?

    Quantum: Your writing’s good, I’ve always thought that (especially when I edited your articles for DH). Your site’s full of info you find interesting, which is exactly what a blog’s supposed to be about. Your talent lies in the fact that you can draw a reader in, even in topics that don’t interest them. (Example: Anything about Queens college, at least to me since I’d not heard of it ’till I met you and DMOS.) With that, good show, old chap!

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